(This is a long post, even for me…)
“You’ll NEVER be able to do it!”
“Do you want to live in poverty?!”
“It’s good that you enjoy your hobby, sweetie, but you can’t do much in LIFE with it.”
“ARE YOU CRAZY?! You will NEVER be anything but a failure in life!” *BIG cringe*
Kind, supportive, encouraging relatives. They say they love you, that they’ll always be there for you, that they are there to support you. And, if you’re like me, you’ve been wondering for a LONG time if the definitions of the terms, “love,” “always be there,” and “support” have changed without your knowledge. EVERY quote above has been thrown at me by my supportive, loving, ever-present relatives.
MANY, MANY times, I’ve been SO READY to give up my dreams of majoring in music and making it my career. To give up my dreams of playing at Carnegie Hall and around the world. Why? Because of stupid, endless arguments over holiday dinners, over the phone, over the internet.
And, what do I do? Do what they tell me to? After all, they ARE older than me. They DO have more experience than I do. Common sense would tell me to do what they say.
BUT, one thing that they have done that I’ve never done is give up dreams. My aunt’s greatest dream was to become a world-class ballerina. She had a few accidents (and recovered), encountered some difficulty, had financial trouble, and eventually just gave up.
So one thing that I’ve always wondered is, “Does she not want to see me succeed because I would be fulfilling my dream, unlike she did?”
And yes, it is SAD that people have to give up dreams. It IS sad. But just because THEY had to give up doesn’t mean they have any right to tell you that YOU have to give up. If they tell you that, chances are that they are afraid that you will become what THEY hoped to be. That is selfish, petty, and NOT a good reason for them to beat you across the head and tell you to throw out your dreams.
My mantra over the past few months has been, “If I feel that God is telling me to do it, I obey.” I OBEY. You have NO IDEA how scared I was about cantoring at Mass the first time. My friends kept telling me that I sounded fine, but I still had second thoughts. The deciding factor? God. I’d come up with excuses in my head while trying to decide, and God would shoo those thoughts away with positive thoughts. “You can do it, My daughter!” “It’s for My glory, not for them, My love.”
Christmas Day, my grandma asked me AGAIN what I wanted to major in, as if she thinks that the more often she asks, the higher the chances are that I will change my mind. I answered, as I always do, “Double major, music and something else.”
“Well, there goes your life.”
Yes. My grandmother. On Christmas Day. “There goes your life.”
Before that point, during these kind of arguments, I had either faked a smile and nodded, broken down and cried, or just walked off. But this time, something inside of me snapped. I was reading a book while lying on the floor while she made that comment. Without looking up, I just said, “Well, that is your opinion.”
She flung back, “Your Aunt Lori wanted to major in dance. She tried and had to give up.”
Again, not looking up, I just replied, “Well, not everyone’s story ends the same. I might become the next famous pianist.”
No reply from my grandma this time besides a snort.
“You know, Nana, I love you. But YOU are NOT the ultimate deciding factor in my life. I do what God tells me to do. I feel that He is calling me to do something with the gift of music that He has given me, and I plan to do what He tells me to do.”
She opened her mouth, shut it again, opened it, and shut it again.
“God works all things together for good for those who are called according to His purpose.”
God gives us relatives to help guide us. But when those relatives don’t look to Him before they “counsel” us, they can unwittingly steer us wrong.
ALL THINGS TOGETHER.
I was playing little tunes by ear on our electric 2-octave keyboard at the age of seven. I started lessons at the age of eight. My teacher and I started having trouble during lessons because we just didn’t get along when I was around eleven.
March of this year, I danced at a ladies’ retreat at the local Baptist church. The music leader was a piano teacher. I heard from my dance teachers that she taught piano and struck up a conversation with her. In May, I started lessons with her. She left town for four months. FOUR MONTHS I have been flying solo without a teacher. She’s back now and starts teaching in January.
July of 2010, I got a real piano. It was always losing its tune, the pedals didn’t work, and the keys stuck something awful. We ran into some financial trouble later last year and early this year. Then, my dad started working again, and we found someone who would sell us a Kawai grand piano for a really good price. (And it only had 5 percent wear; essentially new!) We bought it in mid-September and it arrived at the beginning of October.
I wanted to quit piano in May of 2010. I had no motivation, no real reason to keep playing. Then I stumbled across Emily Bear on YouTube. She inspired me to keep playing because she was so young and so good. December of last year, she played at Carnegie Hall for the first time. Then I realized that piano was my passion.
Now, that was a lot. But that all shows God working things together for my good. “If God closes a door, He opens a window.” I was playing by ear and then started lessons. I started having problems with my piano teacher, danced at a retreat, and, in what many people would call sheer coincidence, met my new piano teacher. I thought about finding a new teacher when she was gone for so long, and then found out the weekend before I was going to make the phone calls that she was back in town. I needed a new piano (even my teacher said so) but we just didn’t have the money. My dad started working again and I got my beautiful Kawai grand. I wanted to quit because I didn’t have any motivation and then I discovered Emily Bear.
God works all things together for good. ALL THINGS TOGETHER FOR GOOD. ALL THINGS.
I haven’t had encouragement from my relatives, but my friends encourage me more than I imagined possible. All things together for good. Always.
I see my friends just surrender to their relatives and give up on their biggest dreams. It makes me cry. I don’t want the very people who encourage me to pursue my dreams to give up on their own.
If you wait for Him to tell you what He wants you to do, He’ll work it out. Always. If you are lacking something that you need to fulfill His plans for you, He’ll give you what you need. Always. And, no matter what you do, He’s there for you. Always.
Don’t give up. God will support you. Always.
